SILENCE YOUR NEGATIVE SELF-TALK. Alas, ..... do your automatic, intrusive, negative, looping thoughts sometimes trip you up? Are they sucking you in and unsparingly pushing you down an unending, narrow-winding stairway of uncertainty, worry, self-doubt, even fear? You feel devalued and exhausted at times, unable to escape their unwelcome presence. How can you put these unwelcome guests into perspective and effectively manage the outcomes you desire and deserve?
Here are three (3) helpful, practical tips you can practice that will support your self-management style and place those controlling, negative thoughts in a less influential position in your life.
Perhaps, you have heard the saying, you are not your thoughts, but the observer of your thoughts. One of Master Shi Heng Yi's steps to self-mastery is the practice of non-identification which he explains, " I am not the body. I am not the mind. I am not my emotions. It is just that I can see all these three aspects about me."
Thoughts are constantly passing through our minds daily. According to the National Science Foundation, on average, a person processes about 12,000 - 60,000 thoughts per day; 80% are negative and 95% of our thoughts are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. With this perspective in mind, you can learn to think about what you are thinking. That's the power of Meta Cognition.
The practice of a higher level of thinking which is thinking about thinking creates a space, and in that space is where choice exists. You can choose to buy into a thought or simply have a thought. That's right. This is Cognitive Defusion.
First, practice separating yourself from your thoughts and feelings so they have less of a stronghold on you.
You can practice to tip the scale of influence and power instead of erring and succumbing to some random, runaway, wandering, disapproving thoughts. Selectively choose thoughts you want to buy. You can have the thought, you don't have to believe the thought. They aren't necessarily facts.
Don't fight them. Allow and notice the stream of thoughts like floating clouds making way for the sunshine. Then, reach for better feeling, affirming thoughts.
For instance, "I'm having the thought that I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough." Now, practice separating yourself from that thought.
To demonstrate:
"I'm noticing that I'm having the thought I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough."
Separate yourself from the thought and notice yourself and notice your thoughts. Put in some practice with this. Remember, you can have the thoughts. You don't have to buy the thoughts. Become the observer of your thoughts.
Next, practice self-compassion.
Say, "Thank you for sharing." And ask yourself:
"Is this thought helpful to me? Does it allow me to live my values? What do I believe about myself?" Be more self-loving and self-compassionate in your response.
State what you believe about yourself and act on your values and beliefs. That's reframing. Your interpretation changes, doesn't it? You can use the suggestion approach:
Example: "You will never win that scholarship award. "
"Thank you for sharing. May I be or feel ....?"
"Thank you for sharing. May I be kind to myself in this moment? May I give myself the compassion I need?"
Then, give yourself the permission to be or feel what you believe. You believe that you are capable and smart, right? It's a gentle suggestion instead of the radical affirmation - "I am......" It's a conversation you get to influence by being self-compassionate. Practice makes permanent. The right practice.
Finally, name the thought. Add humour to your experience:
"Oh, it's Bow Dilly, or Sally Dallie, or Wally Wattle, or Roxie Robin, Chatty Kathy. You name it!
"I'm not smart enough? Haha. Bless your heart." Personalize them in the most humorous way.
Give these characters a voice, a tone, and resonance in the most humourous way. Repeat their thoughts back to them. Adding humour lessens their negative impact on you.
Altogether, as you engage these ideas in search of the right fit for you, please be advised that sometimes these often automatic, negative, intrusive, looping thoughts re-surface because they serve a function, a positive value. They are informative. There might just be unresolved issues or seated beliefs that you have not yet fully resolved, aired out, or uprooted, barring our natural reactions to circumstances eg. physical pain. Be mindful of this too.
We all will continue to experience negative self-talk, but you can become a better and skilled self-manager of the thoughts you experience and create more positive thoughts instead of allowing negative thoughts to randomly dictate your mood, your choices, and ultimately your joy. They affect your attitude and behaviour.
Apply these powerful skills for processing your thoughts and emotions by separating yourself from your thoughts which gives you power over your thoughts.
Second, tell them thank you for sharing. And give yourself some compassion. Third, name the thought. Give it a voice, a tone, a sound that is reverberating with humour. You are a person who experiences thoughts and emotions. They are something that you are experiencing. Thoughts are not necessarily facts.
"Neurons that fire together, wire together and practicing these skills repeatedly sends a message to the brain what is worth adapting which strengthens neuro-connections and leans into more positive thoughts more often. "You can use your mind to change your brain to change your mind." - Laurie Cameron.
I support you.
My wish for you is to flourish in life using these tools for everyday living.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Please leave a comment so others may be inspired by your insight.
Thank you for the pleasure of your time.
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